When someone you love says, “I don’t want to live anymore,” it can feel terrifying. Many of us freeze because we are afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you are wondering how to help someone who is suicidal, here is the good news: you don’t have to have perfect words. You just have to show up.
If someone is in danger right now, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time. illuminate church is not a counseling or crisis center, but we have gathered trusted mental health resources, and you can ask our team to pray with you.
This guide draws from “Suicide,” a message in our series Weeds in My Garden. The whole series was built so that all people will know it is okay to say “I am not okay,” and that God wants to meet us there.
If you only have a minute:
- Take it seriously. Suicide is never a joke. It is much better to be safe than sorry.
- Ask directly. Asking about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head. It opens the door for help.
- Listen and stay close. Be an all-in friend who goes with them to get help.
- Get help right away. Call or text 988 together, or call 911 if they are in immediate danger.
Why it matters to know how to help someone who is suicidal
Suicide is now the third leading cause of death for teens and young adults between 15 and 24. It is closer than many of us think. When our church took a survey during this series, about 1 out of every 20 people said they were struggling with suicidal thoughts or self-harm.
Maybe you love God and want to love people well. You can hear the darkness in someone’s words and see the pain in their face. You want to do something, but you don’t know what to do. You want to say something, but you aren’t sure what to say. These steps are for you.
5 steps for how to help someone who is suicidal
1. Take it seriously
Suicide is never a joke. If something feels off, trust that feeling and act. It is so much better to be safe than sorry.
2. Ask the question directly
It is a myth that asking a person about suicide will encourage them to attempt it. The opposite is true. Asking directly often lowers their anxiety and can act as a deterrent. Your openness and concern give them permission to talk, and they may feel less alone and even a bit relieved. If we hide from the subject, they will hide the subject from us until it is too late.
Don’t ask, “Are you planning on hurting yourself?” That may be too vague. Ask plainly: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” or “Are you thinking about suicide?” You might start like this: “I’ve noticed you’ve been really down lately, and it has worried me. I care about you so much. Are you thinking about ending your life?”
If they say yes, ask: “Have you thought about how you would do it?” “Have you decided when?” “Have you done anything to get the things you would need?” If the answer to any of these is yes, call 911. Tell the dispatcher the person is at risk for suicide, ask for a mental health crisis professional if one is available, and stay with the person.
3. Listen more than you speak
Let them talk. Don’t rush to fix it or to quote a Bible verse at them. Just be present.
4. Be an all-in friend
Love them the way you would want to be loved. Say, “I will go with you. I will help you check in. I will make the call.” It is better to save a life than to worry about what they will think of you or whether they will be offended.
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” (1 John 3:18)
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
5. Remove immediate danger and get help
- Stay with them, or make sure someone safe does.
- Remove firearms, pills and sharp objects if you can.
- Call or text 988 together.
- Offer to drive them to the emergency room or to a counselor.
What this means for you
You don’t need to be an expert to make a difference. Be near. Be a voice of hope and truth. Ask the hard question, stay close, and make the call with them. Showing up is how to help someone who is suicidal, even when you feel unsure.
What to say (and what not to say)
Remember that it is not a sin to be sick. The person you love is in a fight for their life. Chemical malfunctions, situational trauma and clinical challenges can all be crashing down on them at once. Your words can be a lifeline.
What to say
- “You are not alone. I’m right here.”
- “I’m so glad you told me. That took courage.”
- “Your life matters to me and to God.”
- “We’re going to get through this one hour at a time.”
- “I love you, and I’m not leaving you to carry this alone.”
What not to say
- “You have so much to live for.”
- “Just pray harder” or “Just give it to God.”
- “I know exactly how you feel.”
- “You’ll go to hell if you do this.”
- “Other people have it worse.”
If you are the one struggling
If you are reading this and the thoughts are about you, please hear this. You are the one and only you. You are irreplaceable. You are seen. You are not your thoughts, and you are not bad. You are a creation of the Lord and precious to Him. You are loved by the Father and by us.
- Call or text 988. Someone is ready to talk with you right now.
- Emotions don’t last forever. They come in waves, crash and then fall away. Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling.
- Don’t try to make a clear decision under a cloudy mind. It is not possible to think clearly when you are deeply depressed or overwhelmed. It is a lie that the people around you would be better off without you.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)
A prayer you can pray
Jesus, You know what it is like to feel forsaken. Meet ___________ in the darkness right now. Replace despair with even a flicker of hope. Give me, and their friends and family, supernatural strength and wisdom. Thank You that You are the God who restores what the devil tries to steal. In Jesus’ name, amen.
You can find more help in 17 warning signs someone is considering suicide and 7 Bible verses about mental health to pray. If you have lost someone to suicide, read biblical hope in grief. The mental health resources page also has the Help and Hope video series, 10 short videos from licensed mental health counselor Mike Maher on how to walk with someone through anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts.
Wherever you are today, there is a next step. If you want to know more about who Jesus is, start here. If you need someone to pray with you, reach out to our prayer and care team. And if you live near Kissimmee, Florida, we would love to see you on a Sunday.
Frequently Asked Questions About How to Help Someone Who Is Suicidal
What should I say to someone who is suicidal?
Keep it simple and honest: “You are not alone. I’m right here.” “I’m so glad you told me.” “Your life matters to me and to God.” Then listen more than you speak.
Will asking about suicide put the idea in their head?
No. That is a myth. Asking directly, “Are you thinking about suicide?”, often lowers a person’s anxiety and helps them feel less alone.
What do I do if they say they have a plan?
Call 911. Tell the dispatcher the person is at risk for suicide, ask for a mental health crisis professional if one is available, and stay with them until help arrives.
Is suicide an unforgivable sin?
In this message, the answer was no. Jesus said that “every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven” (Matthew 12:31). We are not saved by our last act. We are saved by the blood of Jesus.
Where can I get help in a crisis?
Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
